Artist Spotlight

I first saw the impossible in the summer of ’91 at a late, great Jersey Shore club called Tradewinds, which was one of the best concert venues in the tri-state area. Like most great things in New Jersey, it was razed to put up McMansions during the last real estate boom. Even more pathetic, most of the units aren’t even sold out now that the market is a bust. (Note to would-be impresarios—there is ALWAYS a market for live music no matter how bad the economy is).

But you’re wondering what the impossible is, right? According to guitarflame.com, impossible (or almost) is playing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” live, a feat so difficult that Queen themselves only attempted it in truncated versions with backup tapes.

Except there’s one band in the world that not only does it, they do it over and over again, and it rocks so much it leaves tears in your eyes. You just know Freddy Mercury is smiling down on them somewhere and Brian May, as brilliant as he is—and I’m not using that term lightly, he just got a doctorate in astrophysics– is jealous.

That band is the Nerds, the quintessential Jersey shore bar band and the world’s greatest cover band ever. The Nerds have a shtick where they dress up like geeks and do pointless, nerdy banter, using the dorky stage names Spaz, Biff, Stretch and Mongo. The first time I saw them an ex-boyfriend dragged me there and I was so not into the idea, until I heard Stretch blow the speakers and house lights out with his guitar solos, and by the end of the night I was begging my ex to take me to their next show and the one immediately after. A couple of years later I initiated my soon-to-be husband and his reaction was the same.

They play virtually every night all summer, so you can come to New Jersey and plan a rocking vacation just based on following the Nerds around from one great shore bar to the next (Jenkinson’s, the Osprey and Joe Pops among others. I highly recommend the Osprey for the sound system). The sets vary from night to night, because I and my various love interests are not the only people who make endless pilgrimages to see them. They also book themselves at weddings, but they’re seriously loud and they do the nerd thing even there so if your parents are paying, make sure they’re okay with that.

In the winter time they also play sets up north, around Essex, Bergen, Hudson and Morris counties. Besides “Bohemian Rhapsody,” some of their other crowd pleasers are the theme from “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” “Boys of Summer,” “Don’t Stop Believin’” (waayyyyyyyyy before the Sopranos) and “Where The Streets Have No Name.” I am not a fan of cover bands or cover songs in general, but seriously, you haven’t lived unless you’ve seen the Nerds live, preferably 3 nights in a row.